The venue for Gentry and Emma’s wedding reception outside Ventura, August 2016

All memory of you is gone after 2 generations. Think about it: how well did you know your great grandparents? Probably very little or not at all, right? The same will be true for the children of your children’s children. You’ll be long gone. Maybe it all really is meaningless.

At least that's what conventional wisdom would have you believe.

I reject this reasoning. And I believe collectively rejecting this notion is the key to success for our species. We are not gone after 2 generations. Our impact lives on forever. What we do matters. Steven's speech proves it.

One of my best friends got married in 2016, about a year after I returned home from living abroad. It was a beautiful wedding in Ventura, California, and I was honored to be a part of it. I will always remember the speech his father gave at the reception. It was the most unique wedding speech I've ever heard.

He received the microphone and said simply, “My name is Steven, I am Gentry’s father. There are many people who came before Gentry and Emma who sacrificed, who worked hard for their family, allowing Gentry and Emma to meet. I’d like to read the names of these individuals to honor them and their role in bringing Gentry and Emma together.”

He then proceeded to read aloud the names of Gentry and Emma's extended family. It was humbling to hear these names, their relationship to the couple, and to realize he was right: these people actually made it possible for Gentry and Emma to come together. Without them, they would never be here, they never would have met. All of us gathered together that day, in celebration of their union, was a result of the sacrifice and hard work of so many people. It didn't matter whether these people were long gone or still with us, their sacrifices and their impact endured. Gentry and Emma lived through them; their love and their marriage was a culmination of these individuals' impact. One culmination among many before, and many to come. “Henry Fletcher, Gentry's great great grandfather, who came to California in… Mauve Palmer, Emma's grandmother, who met and married Cedric Townsend, Emma's grandfather…”

Hiking in Angeles National Forest outside LA for Gentry’s bachelor party - May 2016

Steven is no longer with us today after a long, stoic battle with cancer. I message Gentry on the date of Steven's passing every year to send his family love, telling him I still think about his dad, that I’m thankful to have met him and that he lives on through Gentry. I know I never would have met Gentry if it wasn't for his father.

I believe this story illuminates the truth about our impact on this Earth. Gentry's two young sons, just 2 generations after Steven, may not remember their grandfather, but their births happened because of him. Their lives are forever impacted by Steven's love and his life. And one day when these boys grow up and have families of their own, it will have been possible because of Steven's impact.

There's this quote commonly misattributed to the artist Bansky: "They say you die twice. Once when you stop breathing and the second, a bit later on, when somebody mentions your name for the last time." Steven's story refutes this assertion. It doesn’t matter when your name is uttered for the last time. Your impact lives on.

I think author Terry Pratchett was closer to the truth: "No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone's life is only the core of their actual existence." We live on through the repercussions of our actions taken, through the impact we made on other people, through our contribution to humanity, the world, and the larger universe.

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Two groups of three generations of Deussen’s at a family reunion in Mesa Verde National Park - August 2017

I remember visiting my great grandparents when I was very young. My mom's dad's parents were Bertha and Emilio—I have vague recollections of their small New York apartment. It smelled funny to me.

Great grandma Helen, my dad's dad's mom, lived in a mobile home in San Bernardino, and I remember not being allowed to touch anything because everything was breakable or stored on glass tables or glass cabinets.

My Great Granny Vena, who in some ways so resembled my Granny (my mom's mom), was a cute little old lady with a big smile. Her husband James, my great great grandfather, died young, meaning she raised 3 children on her own—one of whom was my Granny, who had a profound impact on my life.

And I remember going to visit my great grandma Virginia, my paternal grandpa’s mom, when I was 8 or 9 years old, to say goodbye near the end of her life. She brought 9 children into this world and was a riot, always brash with what she thought. I never knew my great grandfather Russel on my dad's mom's side, or my great grandfather Raymond on my dad’s dad’s side. But they still impacted my life just like my other great grandparents. All of them shaped who I am today, three generations later, even if indirectly, even if remotely. It’s humbling to know all 8 of my great grandparents were no doubt shaped by their ancestors many generations before.

My Granny and I were roommates during the best safari I’ve ever been on. Zimbabwe - September 2010

I think about this with my unborn daughter. She will only know 2 of her great grandparents. But I hope to convey how much they all shaped her parents' lives. They brought my wife and I together, and thus her. They will live on through her.

We live on the shoulders of those who came before. The memory of a person may fade after 2 generations, but their impact is undiminished. None of us would be here today if our ancestors didn’t strive for life. Thus what we do matters. It affects those after us; they will inherit the world we leave them. What kind of world will they receive? Will they thank us or curse us? This responsibility is bequeathed to us from our ancestors, and it's our discretion that will determine how we pass the torch of consciousness.

It’s beautiful in a way, this biological system, and I feel comforted knowing my place within my line. So many came before me, and more will follow after I'm gone. We may not live forever, but we all have the power to truly change the world. We just may not see all of our impact within our lifetime. But “a society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.”