I have never been to war, and I hope I never go. But different doesn’t have to be disconnected.

I often write we are more similar than we are different. That we all want the same things, and that we all share this one world together. I know and believe these things to be true, but that doesn’t mean we will always see eye to eye. Sometimes we will have asymmetrical perspectives. But we still need to be able to exchange information and work together.

When I hear former military members speak about their experiences, it’s clear I will never fully understand their perspective. I have not repeatedly witnessed atrocities in a foreign place, I have not operated within a might-is-right environment, and I have not suffered warfare trauma. I have never been to war. I am grateful for this, and although I struggle with America’s history of foreign policy, I am grateful for all who have served our country, to protect and spare me and millions of others.

It’s also clear war changes you, acting as a great filter which you can only pass through once, in one direction. While I may never truly understand the perspective of someone who has served, a former operator also cannot return to my lay perspective. They’ve seen too much; they are forever changed by the warfare they experienced. Former military members often speak about their perspectives being forever changed, that they can’t see the world in any other way because of what they have seen.

So are we at an impasse? I will never truly grasp a war survivor’s perspective, and they can never return to my privileged, nonviolent perspective. Are we doomed to perpetual disagreement?

I don’t believe so. We don’t have to be alike to coexist. Our diversity strengthens our species. Difference in perspective should not mean we can’t be friends or formulate public policy together. We can debate the best direction for our country, and we can live harmoniously. We just need to understand the distance between our experiences and thus our perspectives. We need to seek first to understand, then to be understood. Diversity of thought increases our decision making ability as a species. And, if we let it, maybe we’ll inhabit a world free from war.