Bassinet Smiles

I reached into my daughter's bassinet this morning and a beautiful smiling baby looked up at me. It melted my heart like it always does. After a few rough days post Rotavirus vaccine, it was reassuring to feel like I was getting my daughter back.

Parents want nothing more than their children to be happy and healthy. I figured as much, but it becomes so obvious when you become a father. I would do anything for my daughter’s health and wellbeing, make any sacrifice for her happiness.

What if that was our starting point on this planet? There are billions of parents around the world, and we all want the same things for our children. Does it have to be a zero-sum game? Can we prioritize the health, safety and wellbeing of our billions of children over everything else, and does that change the equation?

It seems everyone could subscribe to such a simple belief. That it could make our time together in this life a whole lot easier. We all want the same things. Can we unite around them?

Tom Petty kind of morning

I put in my headphones and put on Tom Petty this morning. My dad has been listening to his entire discography, album by album on his morning walks. I decided to plug into Full Moon Fever, and it was so uplifting. I’m so quick to put on a podcast these days, it feels good to keep my own thoughts and move to the music. 

We’re all so addicted to information and consumption. I feel a peace settle over me on the days I prolong any consumption (For some reason, music is different). But no news, no podcasts, no text or email… the days I get through the morning without these things I feel better. I recently deleted a lot of apps on my phone, including email. I’ve found if people really want to reach me, they’ll figure it out. I only need to check my email a few times a week most of the time.

Taking my time making my cappuccino with the music in my ears was reassuring. I’ve always listened to Tom Petty; Full Moon Fever has my first favorite song—my parents have a picture of me dancing to Free Fallin’ on our backyard deck, next to the green outdoor speaker.

I sipped my double shot cappuccino from my “Half Dome is calling, and I must go” cup, satisfied with life. If we slow down and stay quiet, peace will settle. I am so incredibly fortunate, and in the peace of the morning, with music and good coffee, without all the noise, it’s easy to see. All is as it’s supposed to be, and we are one with the universe.

Baby Playlist

My lunch hour today encapsulated the pure joy of parenthood: I sat rocking our baby, singing to her as she looked up at me. And the songs played:

“I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply do…

A new beginning

A reason for living

A deeper meaning, yeah…

I wanna lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me”

It’s true you just don’t get it until you have a child, how you can love them so much. It truly is a new beginning. I often feel I can stay in that chair forever with my daughter laying on my chest, rocking her to sleep.

“An angel when she smiled…

Baby blue was the color of her eyes

Baby lea like the Colorado skies…

She brought colors to my life

That my eyes have never touched

When she taught me how to care

I’ve never cared so much”

We were surprised and pleased to see our daughter’s blue eyes. Growing up, my Granny always told me how special it was to her that I had her eyes. I now understand.

“Don’t know how I got you

But I couldn’t ask for more

Girl, what we got’s worth thanking God for

So, thank God

I get to wake up by your side

And thank God

Your hand fits perfectly in mine…

Thank God for giving me you”

My heart melts every time she grabs onto my finger. We are just so utterly grateful to have our baby girl.

“That kind that only comes once in your life…

Boom-boom-boom, boom-boom), you make me

(Ba-da-da-da, ba, ba, ba-da-da-da, ba, ba) you

make me, make me happy”

Just your child existing makes you happy, and you can sit in peace appreciating that over and over.

“May the good Lord be with you down every

road you roam

And may sunshine and happiness surround 

you when you’re far from home

And may you grow to be proud, dignified 

and true

And do unto others as you’d have done to

you

Be courageous and be brave 

And in my heart you’ll always stay

Forever young…

And when you finally fly away, I’ll be hoping

that I served you well

For all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can

ever tell

But whatever road you choose, I’m right

behind you win or lose

Forever young”

You wish and hope for all the best for your child, knowing one day it will be on them to make their way in the world. I suspect she will always be my baby girl to me.

What’s the point of all this? I guess it’s knowing that so many other millions of people around the world feel something similar.

This experience of parenthood is universal: the love you feel for your children, the fact all cultures have children, that we all want the next generation to do well. It’s a series of miracles happening all around the planet.

We have so much to be grateful for as a species, and we have this one opportunity to emit light, to make beautiful music, to live. We’re all sharing the same playlist.

Fatherhood Is

My godmother asked me yesterday what it’s like to be a Dad.

I can say, with complete confidence, fatherhood is all about prioritizing coffee in the morning. Double shot cappuccinos FTW.

Of course, it’s so much more than that. It’s a difficult question to answer.

I’ve changed my statement of purpose in my Morning Saying: to showcase the wonder of our one world. This change is partly due to my refined vision for TAV, how I can take a unified approach in my writing, photography, and podcast. But it also reflects a change in my perception now that I’m a father. My purpose is to showcase the wonder of our one world to my daughter. To love her, and to teach her that we share an incredible world full of miracles, and that we must share it with everyone else, all the other people and living things on this planet. That will be my most important lesson as a father, because it is the most important lesson for all of us.

Your transitions into and out of sleep change. My baby is the first thing I think about when I open my eyes each morning, and the last thing I consider before closing them each night. A whole new perspective is open to me. I see the world through my father lens, pursuing everything so as to make my child’s life better.

There’s a recognition and appreciation for the journey. As a first time father, there are so many things I don’t know. I’m learning fatherhood in much the same way my daughter is learning about the world. This reciprocity is comforting because it’s an assurance we’re on the same journey together. There’s fear and worry in the journey, but also hope, and adventure and excitement, and the purest joy I have ever known. I know this will continue to be a journey for the rest of my life, and I am grateful for it. Maybe I will have to get that lion tattoo after all, about the journey of life.

There’s a confirmation in your choosing your partner. I’ve always been confident in my marriage and the person I’ve chosen, but raising a child together has validated our choice and our path. You’re not only life partners, but partners in raising your offspring, this miracle you’ve created together. It’s miraculous. 

Most of all, fatherhood is about love. I feel so much love every day. I feel love when I’m on a run or off running errands. I feel love when rewashing the same bottle for the umpteenth time late at night. I feel love when changing diapers at 3am. Love has become my raison d’etre. Love is the driving force of being a dad, and the most abundant element of my life. 

Fatherhood is amazing, and it’s surreal to know millions of other men around the planet are experiencing the same thing. It gives me hope for humanity. Just make sure you have the coffee ready. 

Hope and Gratitude for Our Future

There have been many fascinating things to observe while becoming a parent. Drivers are patient and courteous to us when we’re walking with the stroller. There are 2 ways to look at that—“why aren’t people always this aware and respectful towards pedestrians?!” Or, (the path I choose to take) gratitude and hope for the world. If cars stop to let a baby cross the street, maybe there is hope for the world. Despite all the anger and uncertainty and suffering out in the world, perfect strangers see us with a baby and recognize that’s important. Babies are completely helpless, and people somehow inherently understand they are the future. 

We also see who truly cares for us, who see us as part of their inner tribe. It’s important to us that our daughter’s life isn’t chronicled on the internet, so we haven’t broadcast her arrival. Yet the people in our life have inquired about us and how we’re doing, have offered help and support, have wanted to come meet our daughter. We are eternally grateful to have such a support system. There are people in our lives who deeply care for us, and now our daughter by automatic extension. It’s as my Mom says, “You learn in life that you always have more love to give.  I choose to add people I love to the people that they love.”

Hope and Gratitude. These are the primary feelings dominating my life this month. Strangers providing evidence there’s hope for the future of this world, and gratitude for our tribe’s support. We only need to see and understand, as a species, that there are millions of tribes around the world offering the same support. That there are millions of strangers allowing those with little ones to cross the street. Can you see it, in your mind’s eye? Stopped cars in Dhaka, Durban and Düsseldorf? Extended tribes rallying together to weather hardship and celebrate successes, tribes raising children together?

If we develop this global consciousness, there is no limit to our potential. We can unite humanity, inspire change, and we can, through the goodness in our collective hearts, change the world. For our children.

The Enoughness Bridge

When you have a child

You experience this strange thing

Of “enoughness.” 

Your whole world is full

With the love for your baby and family.

I knew this bridge existed

Way off in the distance

But it was unseeable 

Until now.

I am crossing it

And a beautiful bridge it is.

They Say Baby

They say your entire life changes when your child is born.

They are right.

One, two, three four five. I used to write that children are the most important group of people in the world. How long ago those posts were.

Now I know it’s true. Our children are our future.

I just keep hearing Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s words in my head:

“I hear babies cry

And I watch them grow

They'll know much more than we'll ever know

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world”

They say our children will be better than us.

They are right. Will we leave them a wonderful world?

A Wonderful Life, My Journey in Three Tattoos, and Trevor Allen Vision in 2025

I teared up rewatching It’s a Wonderful Life over the holidays. Is the same message not still true, almost 80 years later? The people in life are what’s most important. We are social creatures, creatures of love. Our tribe is the main ingredient to the recipe for a wonderful life. 

I gave myself some grace and took some time away from TAV in order to fully enjoy the holidays with my tribe. But back in it, I remember it feels good to write and publish something to the world. James Clear’s most recent newsletter serendipitously reinforced this when he ventured, “The quality of my life is significantly higher on days that I publish an article. The creative process and well-being go hand-in-hand."

Wonderful Cape Town, taken atop Lion’s Head in 2011

It feels like I’m contributing. That’s what this is all about. Contributing to the universe. Putting what’s in my mind on the internet, putting my ideas into the world. Because I have something to share. I have traveled a lot, I’ve lived on 3 different continents, and I have a good perspective that’s worthy of sharing with others. That’s what TAV sells—my vision for a better world. Thinking about this, I realized my journey is encapsulated by my three tattoos.

I experienced the vision for TAV in 2011 when I moved to Cape Town, the first time I lived in Africa. Living on my own there, far away from any other members of my tribe, forced me to develop true independence. And because it was a completely foreign place, it opened up my mind and my world in a different way than just traveling. Traveling is wonderful; it provides a peek into other worlds. But to truly experience another culture, to understand it fully, you have to be immersed in it until it becomes mundane. Until you dread repeated chores in your living situation. Until you have a set of friends that no one back home knows except for you. Until your sense of “home” itself changes.

I received this education in South Africa when I was 23 years old. It was when I became a man. I commemorated this awakening with my first tattoo, a simple outline of the African continent with an eye looking East. Because from Cape Town I went to the heart of the East, the capital of China, Beijing. Completely different environment, that would again become my home. Somewhere that would teach me what it meant to be an adult in this crazy world, somewhere that would further elucidate the diversity of our species.

The street outside my Hutong in Beijing, January 2014

China also reinforced the importance of family, and I learned a lesson when I decided to stay for more than three years. I don’t regret this choice, because I think my life in Beijing provided a unique education that was irreplaceable and greatly contributed to who I am today. But I would not make the same choice again if I relived that period of my life. I would have left China a few times to at least visit my tribe. Still, that decision proved the importance of family to me. So I got my second tattoo, the Chinese character for “family” or “home,” read as “jiā.” It marks my understanding of the true meaning of family.

Shortly after, I returned back to California, and I had to find my way again. I spent a third of my twenties outside the United States, had given up any sort of head start into a typical career, and needed to figure out what I was going to do here. Would I live in the US for the rest of my life? Would I continue in teaching or at least education? I split the difference and began a career in Education Technology, which I’m still in today. 

But I also had to recover from the pain of unrequited love. I was lost in many ways, despite returning home. And then, after 2 years, I met the love of my life, and everything started to feel right. I moved out of sales and into product, which suits me better. We traveled around the whole world, visiting all 7 continents, with another extended stay in Africa, this time Tanzania. We have lived and loved and grown. We got married, having 2 beautiful weddings (a Covid blessing), we bought a home, and now we are starting a family. It is at this juncture I’ve obtained my most recent tattoo: an amaryllis flower on my forearm, an artistic token of my love, one that is always visible and can never be taken off. I feel whole and complete at this stage of my life, in that I’m with who I am supposed to be, and pursuing what I am meant to be doing: TAV, and contributing to the world.

My most recent tattoo when it was fresh 2 weeks ago

I think about all this as I contemplate possible resolutions. I’ve written before that I prefer to reflect on my development as a human during my personal “new year,” my birthday. But so much of our lives is determined by the school and calendar year. We’ve survived the darkest part of winter with the passing of the Winter Solstice, celebrated the most important cultural holiday with our tribes, and now have reached the ‘end’ of the year. The dates will soon slip to 2025. How will we be better? For that is the powerful way to frame resolutions—to think not about how much weight we might lose this upcoming year, or how we’ll resolve our personal problems. But how will we make the world better? How will we be better to each other? How will we contribute to the universe? 

I pledge to put more into TAV in 2025 than I ever have before. I aim to raise $5,000 for charity through TAV. I will pour my heart and soul into this venture because it is the best way that I can contribute, the best way to enliven my vision. It is how I can build upon my unique journey, represented through my three tattoos, and how I can convince everyone we couldn’t ask for more from this big beautiful amazing world. 

Attention to Love

Chris Stapleton is right: love is more precious than gold.

Love is my top priority. It can’t be acquired by anything other than love, by the opening and pouring of your soul into another person. It’s not worth anything to anyone else—it’s not a commodity. It can’t be exchanged for anything else. Love is only valuable to you and the person you share it with. It’s not something you can ‘have.’ Love can only be given and experienced. It’s what I seek, what I prioritize, what I try to attribute the majority of my attention to in this one life I get to live.

Because attention is a finite resource, and our great power is our ability to choose how it is allocated. I wrote about this recently. Attention is determined by the length of our life, our time; and by our biological capacity for processing information: our brain has a finite capacity for processing a certain amount of information in a given time. We can’t process every single thing we experience simultaneously in a given moment. We have to choose what to focus on. We get to choose.

A good portion of our waking hours are dedicated to basic activities like eating, working, driving, etc. So of our 16 hours each day, we only get a slice of ‘free time,’ when we can allocate our attention to whatever we wish. And love is my top priority. With all the time and attentional units I have left to me, I choose to maximize moments of love.

I am so grateful for the love in my life, and I choose to focus on that, not money or recognition or status. Love is above any competition for priorities. My writing and photography for TAV is an expression of my love for humanity and this planet. It is how I can contribute my love to the particle soup that is our local region of this vast universe. Any fun I have is with those I love, any pursuit or hobby is to experience love for life. I choose love.

As Chris says, it can’t be bought and it can’t be sold. It’s up to us how much attention we give love.

Choosing Love and Beating Cancer

Cancer has greatly affected my life: all four of my grandparents have fought it. Two of them are no longer here because of this horrific disease.

So I'm running my first ever Half Marathon to honor Augie, Doris, Shirley and Dick - four of the most important people in my life. I've never ran this far before, and my goal is to complete the race in under 2 hours. I'm nervous, but I know this race is nothing compared to what they faced.

I want to live in a world in which grandparents meet the spouses of their grandchildren; a world in which grandparents play with their great grandchildren. A world in which we have beaten cancer.

Please consider sharing or donating to my fundraiser to give hope to a cancer-free world. Together, we can do this. We can end cancer.

Thank you.

Christmas Cards in August

We’ve never composed a Christmas Card, it just hasn’t been our thing. But I’ve always thought a good way to create one would be to write it throughout the year to better capture all the highlights.

I similarly keep a note on my phone titled “Our Year Together” to record all the joyous memories over each of the twelve months. They can be simple things like dinner and dice with the folks, or birthday parties or baseball games. A few times each year, and always at the end, we review the wonderful experiences. It keeps us centered and grateful.

This portable time machine can work wonders on your psychology. There is always something to be grateful for. And life is better when we’re grateful. Because it really is beautiful.

Sharing Love

I have to say, one of my favorite adulting activities is sharing good news and love with family. Does that make me old? Perhaps, but it can also signify a life well lived. And if we all focus on living well, we can share this big beautiful amazing world together.

Faraway Friends FTW

I try to reach out to faraway friends fairly frequently. It connects me to my previous lives when I saw those people more often, and it keeps my perspective broad because they live somewhere completely different and's thus have disparate experiences. Because I believe we are all one, but we channel our humanity through the various conditions unique to each of us. Despite varying circumstances, we all want the same things. My faraway friends can attest to that. We all emanate love.

Create and Contribute

We’re here to create, to contribute, to do. I try to remember that when I’m feeling lazy or unsure. When we look back, we’ll feel proud if we lived authentically and contributed all of us to the world.

Collective Musings

My purpose is to contribute… what is our purpose? Is it to procreate? To spread love into the universe?

We are figuring it out as a species. For thousands of years we weren’t able to break the barriers of tribe and culture. Today, with our technology and knowledge, it’s possible.

Any perceived differences are subtle on this grand stage. Have we evolved enough to understand that, to harness the power we possess?

That is our collective purpose in today’s world: to raise global consciousness on this planet, to unite humanity…and to emanate love.

Friendship Today

True love might bring the greatest happiness in life, but friendship also significantly contributes to a fulfilling life.

Seeing friends often is important.

We couldn’t do that during the pandemic, and it feels like it happens less often now with our devices and virtual worlds.

Everybody needs a friend.

Things I am not

I could be blind. I could have nothing to eat. I could be alone. But I’m not.

I try to appreciate simple facts such as these each morning, to spur feelings of gratefulness.

Because life is beautiful.

Simple Dinners

Life goes on, and keeps going on. As the years pass I’ve realized my fondest memories are often simple dinners with friends or family. It’s the people in our lives that matter. If we remember that, we’ll treat strangers better, and the world will be a better place. The goings on will be more memorable.

Living with Love

Today marks my three year wedding anniversary. Marriage is one of the most consequential choices we make in life—it’s important to get it right. My wife continues to inspire me every single day, and I know I’m a better person today than I was three years ago because of her.

I can also confidently say that love is the most important aspect of life. The love we’re capable of experiencing as humans binds us together in this universe. Through love we can sacrifice our own well being for the good of others. Through love we strive to make the world better for others.

I know the world can seem dark sometimes, and there’s a lot of negativity out there in the news and zeitgeist. But I also know we can make it through anything with love. We’ve made it through our most trying times through love; we’ve made and kept peace through love. This is the answer as we move forward.

All we must do is ask ourselves: how can I live with the most love possible?

Music Laughter and Love

I defy the claims there are too many planes of agreement among 8 billion people.

Our core beliefs and desires are the same, regardless of culture, identity or status.

I believe we can achieve a shared human vision through music, laughter and love.